For Andy
On my 735th stroller walk
the wind blows softly
but consistently
from all sides
like a hug from beyond.
You left this Earth without telling me.
I found out months later
Googling your name
because you never responded
to my email
about how I gave birth.
The obituary made my bedroom spin
my baby and I
the way shock makes one aware
we're all shimmer powder
here whirling.
But what about you
was that you in the wind today?
So I must have given birth after you passed
after the contractions had me scrunched
and hyper-focused
on how the sizzling meat looked
at a Korean barbecue party.
But what about the hospital television?
How it flickered on and off
somewhere in labor's 14th hour.
Was that you in the corner
with me in my fear?